I don't care, ef þú hefur ekkert skemmtilegt eða eitthvað að segja alls, ekki segja neitt!

Nákvæmlega, finnst þér ekki myndin flott?

og núna eins og lations myndu segja þá

—1.|Brewery De Guiness|

Brenda ÓMalley is homemade making the supper, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives its door. “Brenda, can I comes I enter” he requests. “I have somethin ‘ to say already”. “of course you can enter, you you are always pleasant, Tim. But where he is my husband ” “that is which I am here to say already, Brenda.” There was an accident down in the brewery of Guinness… “” Oh, no. of the God“ Brenda shouts. ”please it does not say to me.“ ”I must, Brenda. His Shamus husband is dead and gone. I am grieved. Finally, she watched above for Tim. “how it happened, Tim” “he was terrible, Brenda. It fell in a bathtub of beer of malto of Guinness and breathlessness ’.” “Oh my dear Jesus! But you must say truth to me, he of Tim. Did goes at least quickly ” “well, not of Brenda…. In fact, he left three times to make piss.”

—2.|Armed Robbery|

A waiter is being able ready to close itself for the night in which a thief explodes inside and throws of a weapon. “this is an armed holdup” He shouts. “he puts all his paste in a purse” “he does not throw,” pleads for barkeep. “I will do what you say” The stuffed waiter all the money in a purse and the hands he raises. The thief snatches it and then he at the top puts the weapon of the waiter and says, “all the right, now employs to me of the blowing” “any thing” the waiter shouts. “just he does not throw” The waiter obtains in his knees and begins to blow to the individual. After some minutes, the thief obtains it so he excited falls his weapon. The waiter above chooses the weapon for of the floor and the hands he again to the thief. “he maintains the weapon, dammit,” he says. “one of my friends could walk inside”

—3.|12 shots|

An individual walks in a bar, feels down and says to the waiter, “fast viértame twelve drinks.” The waiter spills twelve shots so and the individual begins to throw to them behind as quickly as he could, one after another one. The waiter says to the individual, “boy you you are drinking those really fast drinks.” The individuals say, “, you would be drinking well really fast also if you had what I have.” The waiter says, “What've that you consiguio ‘” The individual says, “75 cents.”

—4.|The Dancer|

A great woman, using a dress sleeveless of the sun, walked in a bar in Alabama. It raised her right arm, revealing an enormous, melenuda armpit as it indicated to all the people who seated in the bar and requested, “what the man will buy one lady here a drink” The bar went quiet as the pattern tried not to pay attention to her. But down in the end of the bar, owly-eyed drunk closed of blow the hand down in the accountant and shouted, “it gives to dancer a drink” The waiter spilled the drink and the woman again chugged down.She given return to the pattern and indicated around in all, revealing the same melenuda armpit, and order, “what the man will buy one lady here a drink” Again, same the little drink down gave a pat to its money in the bar and saying, “gives to dancer another drink” The waiter approached little drunk and, “I say, old he cracks happiness, it is its business if you wish to buy to the lady a drink, but porqué you keep calling of her the dancer” To have answered drunk, “any woman who can raise her leg that above she has to be dancer”

—5.|Drunk Purchases|

A woman made purchases in her local supermarket in where she I select ’: a half-gallon of the milk of 2%, of an egg cardboard, a quarter of gallon of orange juice, of a head of the lettuce of romaine, of a tin of 2 pounds of coffee, and of a package of 1 frees of the bacon. Then she unloaded her articles in the transporting band to verify towards outside, a drunk situation behind her watched whereas it put articles in front of the teller. Whereas the teller sounded upon his purchases, drunk indicated calmly, “you must be single.” The woman was a small piece startled by this proclamation, but the intuition of derrelicto captivated it, since she was in fact single. She watched her six articles in the strap and she did not see anything particularly unusual on his selections that could have inclined of the drunkard to their civil state. The curiosity that obtains to him to the best one of her, she said well “, knows which, you are absolutely correct. But how in the Earth you knew that ” To have answered drunk, “cáusele is ugly.”

—6.|Caress The Crocodile|

An individual walks in a bar with a crocodile of the domestic animal by its side. It puts the crocodile for above in the bar. It gives return to the pattern amazing. “I will do a distribution to him. I will open the mouth of this crocodile and will place my genital organs inside. Then the gator will close its mouth for a minute. It then will open his mouth and I will clear my unit unscathed. In the return to testify this spectacle, each one of you you will buy a drink to me.” The crowd murmured its approval. The man was stopped for above in the bar, he fell his trousers, and he put his privates in the opened mouth of the crocodile. The gator closed its mouth whereas jadeó the crowd. After a minute, the man hardly grasped a bottle of beer and RAP the crocodile in the cover of his head. The gator opened its mouth and the man cleared his genital organs - unscathed according to the fiance'. They gave the crowd animated and first of its free drinks. The man was stopped for above and made another supply again. “promissory note to any person $100 who is arranged to give an attempt him.” A silence lowered on the crowd. After awhile, a hand entered for above the posteriora part of the bar. A blond woman timidly spoke for above. “she will try it ‘” I only said, “but if you promise not to strike to me in the head with the bottle of beer”


—7.|Clock Speaking|

One night a drunk individual is demonstrating late to some friends around its apartment brandnew. The last shutdown is the dormitory, where gongo of great yellow copper feels next to the bed. for “which is that gongo” the friend asks to him. “he is not gongo,” the drunk answers. “it is a clock speaking.” “how he works” The individuals take a hammer, give to gongo the pound hear-that break, and steps behind. Suddenly, somebody in otherside of the wall shouts, “for the reason for the God, you as*hole… that is 3:30 in the morning of the curse of the God”


—8.|To take Offense|

A man absolutely walks in a bar, infuriated. It roasts a seat and hunches above. The waiter inclines above, sayin “what get’ya of I can”. The man requests a beer. Then the waiter gives to the beer he to him asks porqué he to him is in such humor. The answers of the man that say to “lawyers are man of assholes.” Suddenly, a man in the posteriora part was stopped for above. “HEY PAL, I TAKE TO OFFENSE THAT ONE” The man who feels under scowels and says “which are you a lawyer” The man answered “NO, IM a ASSHOLE”

—9.|Reversa Psychology|

The husband of a woman comes hammered home every night and she always shouts in him before only going away to the bed. A day she decides to try a certain psychology reversa. When his husband staggers in which night, she is waiting for it in her better underclothes. It feels it in an armchair and she gives backrub him. “she is obtaining slow, great boy,” she says after some minutes. “porqué we are not above going to lay down.” “we also could,” slurs the husband. “I am going to be in hardship when with homemade himself, in any case.”

—10.|Dressing gown crap…|

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, that they had left his upset corporal systems extremely. On the vario manufacture false alarming shoots to the bathroom, he decided that the last episode was another one and remained put. It filled his bed of diarrea suddenly and was disturbed beyond his capacity to continue being rational. In a complete loss of calm he jumped of bed, he collected upon the bed leaves, and he sent them outside the window of the hospital. A drunkard walked by the hospital when the leaves landed in him. He began to shout, to curse, and to make pivot his arms that violently tried to lower of the unknown things, and finished for above with the leaves stained in a battery entangled in his feet. Whereas the stopped drunkard walked there who watched down the leaves fixedly, a protector of security of the hospital that watched the incident whole number for above and requested, “in what heck goes” Drunk, immovable watching fixedly down, answered: “I think that as soon as I beat crap outside a ghost.”

—11.|Squid|

An individual walks in a bar with a squid underneath its arm. It fixes the squid to a stool next to him and he announces it: “this is an amazing squid. I will bet any person in this bar $50 that this squid knows to play any fixed in front of him.” No of people could believe this, so an individual brought above for a guitar. The squid took the grasping from the guitar and began to choose far, improvement that Jimi Hendrix. The man took $50 from guitarist. Following somebody brings above for a trompeta. The squid began to touch the trompeta, improvement that the Alpert grass. The man gained other $50 of trumpeter. Then some individual brought above for some gaitas. The squid took the gaitas by a minute and, watching to have disturbed little, it fixed them down again. “you cannot game the gaitas” he asked man. “juegúelo” the squid said, “I am going to screw as soon as calculates it outside how to lower of its pajamas.”

—12.|Pain De Toiler|

A drunkard rises of the bar and the heads for the bathroom. Few minutes later, a noisy one, shout of the curd of the blood are heard of the bathroom. Some minutes after that, another noisy shout reverberates through the bar. The waiter enters the bathroom to investigate porqué the drunkard is shouting. “which is all griterío around inside alli ‘? You are scaring clients ” “I am seated right here in the dressing table and whenever attempt to clean with a water spurt, something comes for above and expresses hell outside my testicles.” With that, the waiter opens the door, watches inside and says… to idiot of the “You! You one is seating in the bucket of aljofifar ”

—13.|Mistaken Identity|

A man walks in a bar with giraffe and come to obtain blitzed. The drinks of giraffe as much that it happens towards outside in the floor. The man rises and directed so that the door goes away when the waiter shouts, “hey! You cannot leave that lyin ’ alli ' ” The drunk answers, “that are not a lion! He is giraffe.”

—14.|Day De Helluva|

An individual wine in a bar a day and said to the barman “gives six double vodkas me.” The barman says the “ululación! you must have had a hell of a day.” “yes, I finish discovering to my older brother I am glad.” The same individual came in the bar and requested the following day same drinks. When the waiter asked which was today the answer the problem became, “I finish discovering that my younger brother is glad also” In the third day the individual wine in the bar and requested other six double vodkas. The “Jesus this waiter! Not anyone in its family like women ” “yes, my wife…”

umm… óþarfi…?