Þessir brandarar eru bara fyndnari á ensku.


A lady is feeling a bit down in the dumps and decides to treat herself to a meal at the Ritz Carlton. She manages to get a table that very night and enjoys a delicious meal on her own – nothing too extravagant, but nice all the same. The head waiter brings the bill and she's horrified to see the total: $150! She doesn't expect this at all and asks the waiter “Would you mind holding my breasts while I write the check please?” The head waiter is taken aback. In all his years in the job he's never been asked that before, but always eager to please the customer, he obliges. She gets up to leave and the waiter is still perplexed. His curiosity gets the better of him and he catches up with her at the door and asks, “I'm sorry to bother you Miss but I'd like to know why you asked me to do that just now.” “Oh, it's quite simple really,” she replies, “I love to have my breasts held when I'm being screwed!”


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Actual Announcements From Church
1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of
the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

2. Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk, please come early.

3. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will
sing, “Put me in My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.

4. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in
his study.

5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and
lay an egg on the altar.

6. The service will close with “Little Drops of Water.” One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

7. On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses
of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet,
please come forward and get a piece of paper at the end of the service.

8. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they
may be seen in the church basement Friday.

9. A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement.
Music will follow.

10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
Alan Bleser, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Delser.


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Biblical Love

After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said, ‘'It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.’' Adam answered, ‘'Yes, Lord, but what is a ’kiss'?''

The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, ‘'Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable.’'

And the Lord replied, ‘'Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now, I’d like you to caress Eve.'' And Adam said, ‘'What is a ’caress'?'' So, the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, ‘'Lord, that was even better than the kiss.’'

And the Lord said, ‘'You’ve done well Adam. And now, I want you to make love to Eve.'' And Adam asked, ‘'What is ’make love', Lord?'' So, the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he re-appeared in two seconds. And Adam said, ‘'Lord, what is a ’headache'?''


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A test for monks

The head of the monastery wanted to check how strong his priests are in resisting temptetion.

He called 3 of them to his room, and ordered them to put a small bell on their penis.

After that, he went to the first guy, and showed him a picture of a gorgeous naked girl.

“Gling Gling”, went the bell, and the head of the monastary was furious: “you call yourself a monk? you are as weak as a baby!”.

He went then to the second guy, and showed him a cover of a dirty porn movie.

“Gling Gling”, went the bell.

“you are a disgrace! get out of my sight!”.

Almost in complete dispair, he went to the thirs guy and showed him a cover of a porn-magazine. There was silent.

“Way to go, son, you are the only man here worth to be call a monk”, the head of the monastery said, while putting his hand on him.

“Gling Gling”, went the bell.