After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said:

“Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T shirt messages and dress habits.

You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job. I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural diversity of others, and, oh yeah, always make sure that I give the girls in my class 50 percent of my attention.

My contract requires me to work on my own time after school and evenings grading papers. Also, I must spend my summer vacation at my own expense, working toward advance certification and a Master's degree. And on my own time you want me to attend committee and faculty meetings, PTA meetings, and participate in staff development training. I am to be a paragon of virtue, larger than life, such that my very presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of authority. And I am to pledge allegiance to family values and this current administration.

You want me to incorporate technology into the learning experience, monitor web sites, and relate personally with each student. That includes deciding who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit a crime in school. I am to make sure all students pass the state mandatory exams, even those who don't come to school regularly or complete any of their assignments. Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical handicap. And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, and a big smile AND on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps!

You want me to do all of this and you expect me NOT TO PRAY?”



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Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, “What is three times three?” “274,” came the reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, “It's your turn. What is three times three?”

“Tuesday,” replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, “Okay, your turn. What's three times three?”

“Nine,” says the third man.

“That's great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?”

“Simple,” he says, “just subtract 274 from Tuesday.”


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Hérna eru nokkrir þingmannabrandarar.

Late one night in the capitol city a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
“Give me your money!” he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can't do this – I'm a U.S. Congressman!”

“In that case,” replied the robber, “give me MY money!”

Here is the story of a minister who got up on Sunday and announced to his congregation “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.”

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign: “ENERGY EFFICIENT VEHICLE. RUNS ON OATS AND GRASS. CAUTION: DO NOT STEP IN EXHAUST.!!!!

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday week- end. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. ”Reverend, said the young man, “sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip”; The minister chuckled, “ I know what you mean. ”It's the same in my business.“

Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce the 10 commandments.

”Someone has said that there are only two kinds of people in the world—- There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it's morning.”

A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!” His father smiled and replied, “ What do you mean, you know the Bible means? The son replied, ”I do know!“ ”Okay.“said his father. ”So, Son, what does the Bible mean? B-BASIC I-INSTRUCTIONS B-BEFORE L-LEAVING E-EARTH

There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “ Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk. “Only the Ten Commandments,” answered the lady.