Eins og áður þá samdi ég ekki þessa brandara og ég er alltof latur til að þýða þá en here goes, enjoy :))

The Pope has just finished a tour of Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, the Pope asks the chauffeur if he might drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur doesn't have much choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.
The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of a CHP cruiser in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.
The trooper, seeing who it is, says, “Just a moment please, I need to call in.”
The trooper calls in and asks for the Chief. He tells the Chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how to handle it.
“It's not Ted Kennedy again, is it?” asks the Chief.
“No Sir!” replies the trooper, “This guy's more important.”
“Is it the governor?”
“No! Even more important!”
“Is it the PRESIDENT?”
“No! Even more important!”
“Well, WHO THE HECK is it?” screams the Chief.
“I don't know, Sir,” replies the trooper, “But he's got the Pope as his chauffeur!

A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers.
The guy says, ”Who is this?“
”This is the maid.“, answered the woman.
”We don't have a maid!“
”I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.“
”Well, this is her husband. Is she there?“
”Ummm …. she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband.“
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, ”Listen, would you like to make $50,000?“
”What do I have to do?“
”I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with.“ The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. ”What should I do with the bodies?“
”Throw them in the swimming pool!“
”What?! There's no pool here?“
Long pause… ”Uh …. is this 221-1811?“

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
”How do you account for this?“ he asked the brothers.
”It's hereditary, sir,“ the older one replied.
”I see,“ said the doctor, writing in his file. ”Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?“
”No sir, our mother.“
”Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!“
”I know, sir,“ replied the recruit, ”But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."


There are many many things i do not understand…
All of them are women!