A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice.
Den I come one lasta time.”

“You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly.
“In this country….we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex
lives………”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man.
“Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”

I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!

—————————————

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around
his neck: “Darling, I have great news : I'm a month overdue. I think we're
going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out
for sure, we can't tell anybody.”
The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because
the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: “Are you Mrs. Smith?
You're a month overdue, you know!”
“How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.
“Well, ma'am, it's in our files!” says the man from the el! ectric company.
“What are you saying?
It's in your files?????”
“Absolutely.”
“Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight.”
That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull,
rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning.“!
What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts.
“Just calm down,” says the clerk, “it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.”
“PAY you? and if I refuse?”
“Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off.”
“And what would my wife do then?” the husband asks.
“I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle

——————————————–

Konur sem keyra.
Þegar ég var á leiðinni upp Ártúnsbrekkuna í morgun leit ég til hliðar og
þar var kona á splunkunýjum BMW. Hún var á svona 120 km hraða með andlitið
upp í baksýnisspeglinum og var á fullu að sminka sig með meikup-græjurnar
í sitt hvorri hendi og annan olbogann á stýrinu.
Ég leit fram á veginn eitt augnablik og næst þegar ég leit á hana var
bíllinn hennar á
leiðinni yfir á mína akrein og samt hélt hún áfram að mála sig eins og
ekkert sjálfsagðara.
Mér brá svo mikið að ég missti ferðarakvélina mína á roastbeefsamlokuna
sem ég hélt á í vinstri hendinni.
Í panikkinu við að afstýra árekstri við konuhelvítið og ná stjórn á
bílnum sem ég stýrði með hnjánum, datt
gemsinn minn úr hálsgrófinni og ofan í kaffibollann sem ég var með á
milli fótanna. Það varð til þess að brennheitt kaffið sullaðist á Orminn
Langa og tvíburana tvo. Ég rak upp öskur og missti við það sígarettuna úr
munninum og brenndi hún stórt gat á sparijakkan og ég missti af mikilvægu
símtali!
Hvað er að þessum #%&!$# kellingum?

———————————————

Mrs. Broomfield's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.

He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: ”I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!“

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Broomfield's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.

But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.

However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant squawking and talking. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: ”Shut up, you stupid bird!“

To which the parrot replied: ”Get him, Brutus!



jæja Nóg í bili :)