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Remember; Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. It's TRUE! Statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

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I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was “Always.”

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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months now.
I don't like to interrupt her.

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Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

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The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What's on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”

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In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

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What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.

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A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive And said “I haven't eaten anything in four days.”
She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your willpower.”

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Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classified: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

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First guy (proudly): “My wife's an angel!”
Second guy: “You're lucky, mine's still alive.”

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How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

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If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got
married;
and then it was too late.”

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A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the
father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying.

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