Warning Labels:

In case you needed further proof that the human
race is doomed through stupidity, here are some
actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On Sears hairdryer:
“Do not use while sleeping.”
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:
“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
(The shoplifter special.)

On a bar of Dial soap:
“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
(And that would be how . . .?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
“Serving suggestion: Defrost”
(But it's *just* a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
“Do not turn upside down.”
(Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
“Product will be hot after heating.”
(As night follows the day.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
“Do not iron clothes on body.”
(But wouldn't this save some time?)

On Boots Children's Cough Medicine:
“Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if wecould just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
“Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
(One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
“For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
“Not to be used for the other use.”
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
“Warning: contains nuts.”
(Talk about a newsflash.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
“Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

On a child's superman costume:
“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
(Did this happen somewhere?!)