Jack, a lawyer, lies dying with his partner of 40 years by his
bedside. “Mike, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with
your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter.
On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a
decade.”

“Relax,” says Mike, "and don't think another thing about it.
I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini