What to not say to the nice policeman.

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad cop! No doughnut!

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?

I pay your salary!

So, uh, you on the take or what?

Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around–that's how far ahead of me they are.

What do you mean, “Have I been drinking?” You're the trained specialist.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?