101 Leið til að vera pirrandi:



1. Sing the Batman theme all day.



2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”



3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”



4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public

consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…”



5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while

talking to others.



6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV

and then pointing it at the screen.



7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.



8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.



9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and

announce

that this is so no one will “swipe your grub.”



10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch

paper, 99 copies.



11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.



12. Sniffle incessantly.



13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.



14. Name your dog “Dog.”



15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all

weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”



16. Reply to everything someone says with “that's what YOU think.”



17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your

“astronaut training.”



18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your

neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace.”



19. Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it

was a “real hoot.”



20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch

with a can of Lysol.



21. Practice making fax and modem noises.



22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:”

them to your boss.



23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.



24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if

people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.



25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the

neighbors you are a “spider person.”



26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with

prophesy.”



27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.



28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing

awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any

moment.



29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over

your ears.



30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge

across the room.



31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal

Howard Cosell voice.



32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.



33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and

insist to others that you “like it that way.”



34. Drum on every available surface.



35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.



36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.



37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright

warnings.



38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.



39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.



40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.



41. Set alarms for random times.



42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.



43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.



44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking”

noise.



45. Honk and wave to strangers.



46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.



47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.



48. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of

rental movies.



49. Wear your pants backwards.



50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their

complimentary mints by the cash register.



51. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!”



52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.



53. only type in lowercase.



54. dont use any punctuation either



55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole

streets.



56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.



57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.



58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.



59. Write “X - BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone's

road maps.



60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy

assassination/UFO/ O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.



61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear

that?” “What?” “Never mind, its gone now.”



62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.



63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.



64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.



65. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.”



66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.



67. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until

physically restrained.



68. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.”



69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.



70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.



71. Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.



72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of

your chin. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up,” and

repeat.



73. Drive half a block.



74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.



75. Ask people what gender they are.



76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts

back in the tray.



77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern

drawl.



78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious

that you don't want to fall off “in case the big one comes.”



79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers

brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archie's “Sugar” or the Mr.

Rogers theme song.



80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a

parakeet.



81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.



82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.



83. Change your name to “John Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of being

first in the phone book. Claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that

people

pronounce each “a.”



84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to

see if

they slow down.



85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.



86. Wear a LOT of cologne.



87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed

is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”



88. Sing along at the opera.



89. Mow your lawn with scissors.



90. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!”



91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”



92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.



93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their

answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological

profiles.”



94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.”



95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.



96. Never make eye contact.



97. Never break eye contact.



98. Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn.



99. Construct your own pretend “tricorder,” and “scan” people with it,

announcing the results.



100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.



101. Invite lots of people to other peoples parties