The test

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten
apples.” The king then explained the trial to him. “You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten.”

The first apple went in… but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8… and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, “Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?” The
second one replied, “I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples.”

Man falls asleep at church

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. “Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?”

“I have an idea,” said the minister. “Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg.”

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. “And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?” he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

“Jesus!”, Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

“Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones,” said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. “Who is
your redeemer?” he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

“God!” Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

“Right again,” said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, “And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?”

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, “You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!”

“Amen,” replied the congregation.

Two nuns in a alley

Two nuns went out of their convent to sell cookies. One of them
was known as Sister Mathematical and the other one was known as
Sister Logical. It was getting dark and they were still far away
from the convent.

Sister Logical: Have you noticed that a man has been following
us for the past half-hour?

Sister Mathematical: Yes, I wonder what he wants.

Sister Logical: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

Sister Mathematical: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15
minutes at the most. What can we do?

Sister Logical: The only logical thing to do, of course, is to
walk faster.

Sister Mathematical: It's not working.

Sister Logical: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

Sister Mathematical: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will
reach us in one minute.

Sister Logical: The only logical thing we can do is split. You
go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical
arrived at the convent and was worried about what had happened
to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrived, breathless and
flushed.

Sister Mathematical: “Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!”

Sister Logical: The only logical thing happened. The man
couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

Sister Mathematical: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

Sister Logical: I started to run as fast as I could and he
started to run as fast as he could.

Sister Mathematical: And?

Sister Logical: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

Sister Mathematical: Oh, dear! What did you do?

Sister Logical: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress
up.

Sister Mathematical: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

Sister Logical: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his
pants.

Sister Mathematical: Oh, no! What happened then?

Sister Logical: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress
up can run much faster than a man with his pants down……..