A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.“I
want
you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day. Repeat this
procedure
for
two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five
pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. “Why, that's
amazing!” the doctor says.“Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nods.“I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop
dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”

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A blonde is out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde
on the opposite bank.

“Yoo-hoo,” she shouts, “how can I get to the other side?”

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts
back, “You are on the other side.”

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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing over, he was astounded to see that the blonde beind the wheel
was
knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the
trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
“PULLOVER!”

“NO,” the blonde yelled back, “SCARF!”

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The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his
company.
He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If
you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it
be?”

The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”

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A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”

The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”

The Blonde said, “So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!”

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

“You can't land on the sun, you idiot!” said the American.

“You'll burn up!” said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, “We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!”

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just
yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show
it to you!”

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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn,
she
rolled the dice and landed on “Science & Nature.”

The question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?”

She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consisted
of “yes/no” type questions.

She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper
for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration took her purse out,
removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet
-
“Yes”
for Heads and “No” for Tails.

Within half an hour she was all done whereas the rest of the class was
still sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she was seen
desperately
throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed,
approached her and asked what was going on.

“Oh, I've finished the exam,” she replied. "I'm just rechecking my
answers