áramóta heiti

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

3. Read less. Makes you think.

4. Watch more TV. You've been missing some good stuff.

5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

6. Stop bringing lunch from home: Eat out more.

7. Get in a whole NEW rut!

8. Spend your summer vacation in Cyberspace.

9. Don't eat cloned meat.

10. Create loose ends.

11. Get more toys.

12. Get further in debt.

13. Don't believe politicians.

14. Break at least one traffic law.

15. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

16. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.

17. Associate with even worse business clients.

18. Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.

19. Wait around for opportunity.

20. Focus on the faults of others.

21. Mope about faults.

22. Never make New Year's resolutions again.

——-

kona og maður eru að keyra sömu götu en í sitt hvora áttina

þegar bílarnir mætast teygir konan sig útum gluggann og öskrar
“SVÍN!”
Maðurinn er ekki sáttur og öskrar á móti “NORN!”

þegar hún er komin framhjá bílnum hans klessir hann á svín.

—–

nokkrir hlutir menn myndu aldrei segja nema þeir væru hommar

1. Let's watch Lifetime!
2. Sex is overrated.
3. I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4. Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
5. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
6. I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
7. My hips are too big.
8. Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
9. Does this suit make me look fat?
10. I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
11. Sometimes I cry, but I don´t know why?
12. I rather want meatballs then pizza
13. football is a stupid sport!
14. I love cats! and not just the musical
15. I wish I din´t have to shave my legs
16. I find your sister hot!
17. Carmen Electra isin´t that hot!
18. I like water better than Beer


——–

ljóska fer að kenna í barnaskóla alveg að springa úr hjálpsemi!

svo þegar kemur að frímínútum þá sér hún jón standa einann á kantinum meðan allir aðrir voru að leika sér í fótbolta!
-er ekki allt í lagi? spurði ljóskan hjálpsama
-jú jú! sagði jón

svo í næstu frímínnútum stendur jón ennþá einn
-viltu að ég verði vinur þinn? spurði hjálpsama ljóskan
- jájá, sagði jón dáltið undrandi
ljóskunni leið eins og hún hafði gert eitthvað rétt og spurði svo en afhverju stenduru hérna einn?
- ég er markvörður, sagði jón


——-

Golf er dónalegt, ég vissi það allann tímann!

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

jæja hvað fannst ykkur….???

Kv. Ég