As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure.“ Jacques Chirac, President of France.
”As far as France is concerned, you are right.“ Rush Limbaugh

”They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.“ Argus Hamilton

”The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq.“ Dennis Miller

”What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?“
Dennis Miller

Raise your right hand if you like the French … raise both hands if you are French.

”You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. People! He's French!!“ Conan O'Brien

”I don't know why people are surprised! the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France. Still, it's essential for them to join us in the war against Iraq. They can teach the Iraqis how to surrender.“ Jay Leno

”The last time the French asked for ‘more proof’ it came marching into Paris under a German flag.“ David Letterman

”Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried.“ Rep. R. Blount (MO)

Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining.

”Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.“ - Donald Rumsfeld (Actually this was a Ross Perot quote during the first Gulf War)

Q: What do you call a group of 100,000 Frenchman with their hands in the air?
A: The French army, of course.”

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: By shooting th! e soldier pushing it.

Q: Why does the new French Navy have glass-bottom boats? A: So they can see the old French Navy….

Q: How can you recognize a French veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A: Bisexual.

Q: Did you see the description on old French rifles for sale on Ebay?
A: “Never been fired, dropped only once.”

Q: The French have just ordered a new national flag.
A: It's a white cross on a white background

Q: Where do you find 60 million French jokes?
A: In France.

Q: What's the difference between a Wonder bra and the French World Cup squad?
A: A Wonder bra has decent support and a cup.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army a they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 messieurs?

Q. Why are there so many tree-lined boulevards in France?
A. Germans like to march in ! the shade.

Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: It gives them speedier reactions.

Q: How many gears in a French tank?
A: Six: five reverse and one forward, in case they are attacked from behind.