I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I work hard because: Millions on welfare depend on me!

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather….not screaming
and yelling like the passengers in his car.

It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.

I took an IQ test: and the results were.. Negative.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

I have a degree in liberal arts - Do you want fries with that?

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought
he was God and I didn't.