Gross Siamese Tongue
What''s grosser than gross?
Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue.
What''s even grosser than that?
When one of them throws up.

viðbjóður
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A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, ‘'Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.’'

gamall
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Q: How do you trap a polar bear?


A: You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pee, you kick him in the icehole.

bara fáránlegt!
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Your butt is so big, you have more crack than a drug dealer.

híhíhí!!!!=)
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A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks, “What are you waiting for?”

The husband replies, “Autumn.”

ótrúlega fyrirsjáanlegur!!!
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There were nine blondes and a brunette hanging of a rope 100 stories high. They had decided that one of them had to get off.
They argued and argued and finally the brunette said ‘'I’ll go.''

The brunette made a touching speech and all the blondes clapped

þessi er enn fyrirsjáanlegri!!!
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A guy burned two ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.

He said, ‘'I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang…so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…’'

''But how the heck did you burn the other ear?'' The doctor asked.

''How do you think I called you people?''

ég hef lesið hann í öðru formi og þá var hann fyndnari!!!
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Why does a red light turn red?

If you had to change in front of everyone you'd turn red, too

þessi var uhh frekar asnalegur
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Two robbers are talking in their shared jail cell:

''What are you in for?''

''I'm here for something I did not do!''

''So you are innocent? What did you do?''

''I did not run fast enough!''

nýr en ekkert sérstakur
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What is a fly without any wings?

A walk

he..he….he
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Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To put out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To put out burning ducks.

þurfa allir dýra brandarar að vera svona asnalegir
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A Little Far-Fetched, But Okay !

What do you call a midget clairvoyant on the run?

A small medium at large!

já frekar langsótt
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A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.
“The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron.”

“What about the other one?”

“They called back.”

já svona heyrði ég hann
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A Special Night in Iowa

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonalds on Friday night in Iowa?

A: Prom.

damn rednecks
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A zookeeper approaches three boys standing near the lions' cage and asks them their names and what they're up to.
The first boy says, “My name's Tommy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions.”

The second boy says, “My name's Billy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions.”

The third boy says, “My name is Peanuts.”

gamall
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At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence.
One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, “I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!” Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days.

The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said, “I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!” Once again, silence ensued for 365 days.

The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said, “I am fed up with this constant bickering!”

ég held ég hafi sent þennann inn áður
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A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
“Why are you eating grass?” he asked the man.

“I don't have any money for food,” the poor man replied.

“Oh, please come to my house!”

“But sir, I have a wife and four children…”

“Bring them along!” the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in.”

The rich man replied, “No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!”

damn rich people!!
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0.5 aura brandarar

1. konan : þegar ég segi eitthvað þá fer það inn um eitt eyra en út um hitt
Maðurinn: þegar ég segi eitthvað við þig þá fer það inn um eyrað og út um munninn

2. Sástu manninn þarna sem starfi svo á nýja bílinn minn
- það er ekki gott hann er brotajárnsali

3. Ahverju var Sædýrasafnið endureist?
afþví það vantaði íbúðir í hafnafyrði

4. hver var fyrsti rapparinn ?
Siggi stam

5. viltu kaupa þennan hest sem hleypur 20 km án þess að stoppa?
nei ég bý 6 km í burtu

6. hefuru heyrt um indjánann sem var alltaf með 6 sígarettur í vasanum?
hann notaði þær sem farsíma

7. indjáninn sendi reykmerki og hinu megin í dalnum komu lítil reykský. OHH aftur á tali!!!

8.afhverju sagði miðillinn upp?
hann sá ekki sálu!

9. hvað fá hafnfyrðingar þegar þeir fara til hugsana lesara?
endurgreitt!!

10. hvað gerði skotinn þegar hann fann hálstöflu úti á götu?
svaf úti á svöum til að fá kvef!

11. ég hef ljósið alltaf kveikt á næturna útaf þjófum!
það er alveg óþarfi , þeir hafa allir vasaljós

12. strákur var að borða ís á ströndinni og misti kúlu á einn strandgest sem öskraði :
GUÐ MINN GÓÐUR ÞESIR MÁVAR HLJÓTA AÐ VERA NÝKOMNIR FRÁ ALSKA!!!

13. hvernig geturu gengið með hárkollu truflar það þig aldrei að þú ert með hár af annarri konu?
nei , truflar það þig aldrei að vera í ull af annarri rollu!

14.hvað sagði maurinn þegar fíllinn settist á hann
sestu á hitt lærið vinur

15. hvað var ragnar áður en hann dó?

lifandi


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

enn og aftur búrúmppúmpttjjcci