Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when
his telephone rang.

“Hallo, Mr. Hussein!”, a heavily accented voice said.
“This is Patrick down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo,
Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially
declaring war on ya!”

“Well, Patrick,” Saddam replied, “This is indeed important
news! How big is your army?”

“Right now,” said Patrick, after a moment's calculation,
“there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor
Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes
eight!”

Saddam paused. “I must tell you Patrick, that I have one
million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Begorra!”, said Patrick. “I'll have to ring ya back!”

Sure enough, the next day, Patrick called again.
“Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to
acquire some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be, Patrick?” Saddam
asked.

“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's
farm tractor.”

Saddam sighed. “I must tell you, Patrick, that I have
16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers.
Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we
last spoke.”

“Saints preserve us!” said Patrick. “I'll have to get back to ya.”

Sure enough, Patrick rang again the next day.
“Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to
get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light
with a couple of shotguns, and four lads from the Shamrock
Pub have joined us as well!”

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat.
“I must tell you, Patrick, that I have 1,000 bombers and
2,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by
laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last
spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!”, said Patrick, “I'll have to ring ya back.”

Sure enough, Patrick called again the next day.
“Top o' the mornin', Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that
we have had to call off the war.”

“I'm sorry to hear that,” said Saddam. “Why the sudden change
of heart?”

“Well,” said Patrick, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch
o' pints, and decided there's no way we can feed two million
prisoners.