Sex life
Two guys are in a bar discussing their sex lives. One guy says to the other, “How's your sex life, buddy?”

The other guy answers, “Not too good. Every time me and the missus have sex, she loses interest half-way through. It's very frustrating. ”

The first guy says, “Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have the same problem, but I found a cure. I hid a starter pistol under the bed. When she started to run out of steam, I simply fired the starter pistol. It gave her such a fright that she got all excited, and couldn't get enough. I wish I'd done it years ago!”

The other guy says, “Hmmmm… I think I'll try that.”

The next day they are back in the bar again. The first guy says, “How did you get on with the starter pistol?”

The other guy says, “Don't talk to me about starter pistols! Last night we were having a little 69. As usual, she lost interest half way through, so I fired the bloody starter pistol, just like you said.” The first guy says, “ So??? What happened?”

The other guy says, “She bit my cock, pooped on my face, and a naked man came out of the closet with his hands up!”

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Chinese Disease

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.

She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, “OK, take off all you crose.” The woman did as she was told. “Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room.” Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, “OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.” So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, “Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.”

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, “Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?”

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, “Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass.”


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Man I Have This Dance

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, “Would you like to dance?”
The girl says, “I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you.”

The guy says, “I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants.”

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Dart Team

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house.

After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week.

Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away.

“There's just one problem, “explained the model.”Because of my job, I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath.”

“That's not a problem,” replied Doris. “We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water.”

“What about your husband? asked the model.

“Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings,” replied Doris.

“Good,” said the model. “Now that that's been settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight.”

That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. After stripping off, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair.

The model noticed Doris' staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimmer or underclothes.

Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he does not believe her.

“It's true, I tell you!” said Doris. “Look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself."”

The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her.

Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model's naked pubic Area. Then she lifted up her skirt and wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass.

Later Fred returned and they retired to bed.

“Well, do you believe me now?” she asked Fred.
“Yes, he replied. “I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?”

“Just to show you the difference.” answered Doris. “But I guess you've seen me millions of times.”

“Yes, said Fred, I have - but the rest of the dart team hadn't.”