1. Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease,
it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

2. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay
home the two days of the year it snows.

3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of
a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along
shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what
they live for.

4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

5. Do not buy food at the movie store.

6. Remember: “Y'all” is singular. “All y'all” is plural. “All y'all's” is
plural possessive.

7. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent,
unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.

8. People walk slower here.

9. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand
you either.

10. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective “Big ol'”, as in “big ol' truck” or “big ol'
boy”. Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with
this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

11. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

12. “He needed killin'” is a valid defense here.

13. If attending a funeral in the South: remember, we stay until the last
shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

14. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey, y'all, watch this!” stay out of
his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

15. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do.
In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license
plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

16. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's
windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

17. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until
November.

18. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the tiniest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just
something you're supposed to do.

19. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one
it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical
bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and
should, therefore, be displayed.

20. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common.
In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

21. Florida is not considered a Southern state (except Gainesville). There
are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.

22. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly
in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model
of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane
position for the vehicle.

23. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know
the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to
find it yourself.