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Hello, and welcome to Hogwarts Idol, I’m your host, SuperiorDancerChick!’ said the host. ‘And I’m your other host, Erin!' said Erin. The crowd cheered and clapped. ‘Tonight, we have 10 contestants, all ready and rearing to go! But first, let’s meet our judges: Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts, Lee Jordan, the Hogwarts Quidditch commentator, and my first reviewer, who is yet to be named! Let’s give them a big hand!’ SuperiorDancerChick and Erin pulled out huge polystyrene hands and waved them in the air. The audience followed their example, and raised their giant polystyrene hands too. ‘Alright! Now, let’s meet the contestants! All from Gryffindor house, Harry Potter! Ronald Weasley-’ ‘It’s RON, okay, not Ronald!’ Ron interrupted. ‘Okay, RON Weasley! Hermione Granger! Ginny Weasley! Neville Longbottom! Ha! Longbottom! Ha ha ha! Um, sorry, anyway, Lily Potter! Hey, wait, aren’t you dead?’ SDC asked. ‘Oh, yeah, well, I came back for this contest. James couldn’t make it. Oh, Harry, you look so much like your father, dear.’ Lily said, then ran over to Harry and began kissing him. ‘Um, right. From Slytherin house, Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson! And all the way from the teacher’s lounge: Professors McGonagall and Snape! Let’s give them a big hand!’ Erin pulled out her giant polystyrene hand again.

‘Alright, let’s start. Harry, you’re up first! And remember, for this round, any song you sing must be in opera style!’ SDC announced, then ran off stage, doing splits in mid air along the way. Harry walked confidently to the front of the stage, little knowing his fly was undone, smiling happily he began to sing ‘Welcome To My Life’ in a high pitched voice:

‘
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life-’

‘Thank you, Harry.’ Erin said.’ Judges, what are your marks?’ Dumbledore held up a 7, and Lee Jordan held up a 6. ‘Alright, you know what the judges think! And, uh, Harry, just to let you know, your fly’s undone.’ A flustered Harry ran extremely quickly off the stage.
‘Now, our next contestant, Ron Weasley!’ Ron walked gingerly up, avoiding SDC’s kicks and jumps. Looking down to check his fly, he began to sing in a deep opera voice:

’ Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!

I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
walk right by me
And never know I'm there. . .’

Looking strait through Ron, SDC mouthed to Erin ‘Has he gone yet?’ ‘Um, hello? I did go!’ Ron fumed. SDC and Erin jumped around looking startled. ‘Oh! There you are Ron! Sorry. Anyway, what are his scores?’ Dumbledore held up a 9 and Lee held up an 8. ‘Wow! That was a good score! Next we have Hermione!’ Hermione stepped up, trembling in excitement. She began to sing really high pitched:

‘It shouldn't take forever
To put it all together

If you can't do the math
Then get out of the equation
I am calling you back
This is * 69

Is it a minus or a plus
Does enough equal enough
If you can't do the math
Then nothing adds up
Tell me why I'm here’



‘Wow! Thank you, Hermione! Judges?’ Erin asked. Dumbledore and Lee both held up a 9. ‘Wow! That’s the best score yet! Too bad it doesn’t matter at all, I’m just putting it for the sake of the story…’ SDC trailed off as Hermione scowled at her. ‘Anyway, next we have Ginny, and wow, she’s wearing a Kucci original! Don’t forget, it’s opera style!’ Erin finished. Ginny began, looking and sounding extremely like an opera singer:

‘Trying to find the magic

Trying to write a classic
Don’t you know, don’t you know, don’t you know?
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There’s no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you…’

Ginny’s voice reached it’s crescendo, all the glasses in the room shattered. ‘Wow! Awesome Ginny! Judges?’ SDC gasped, removing her fingers from her ears. Both judges held up a ten. ‘Oh, well done Ginny! Everyone, let’s give her a big hand!’ SDC and Erin once again pulled out their big polystyrene hands. ‘Next up, Neville Longbottom! Ha! Longbottom! Um, sorry…’SDC giggled nervously, and pirouetted off of the stage. Neville began, in a high-pitched squeak. Unfortunately for poor Neville, part way through his song, his voice broke and deepened, and he ended in a barely audible bass voice. The audience were enthralled for the rest of the night by the wit of SDC and Erin, and the fine singing of the other contestants. McGonagall’s heart-felt rendition of ‘Everybody Wants To Be A Cat’ touched the audience, while Snape’s pitiful performance of ‘Pretty Woman had the audience howling in pain. Pansy surprised everybody with her manly interpretation of ‘Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star’ and Lily embarrassed the whole crowd by singing ‘I’m Just Wild About Harry’ while staring fixedly at her son.

*Drum roll*

‘And now for the grand finale…’ SDC and Erin announced ‘Slytherin’s favourite slime ball, the one-' ‘the only-’ ‘well, who’d want another one?’ *dun dun dun* ‘Draco Malfoy!’ Draco shot SDC and Erin a dirty look and flourished his wand, as he began to sing:

‘Oooooh…
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)
If nautical nonsense be something you wish…
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
(SpongeBob SquarePants!)
SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob…. SquarePants!’


As Draco threw himself to his knees and hollered his last ‘Squarepants’ of the song, every mouth in the school hung open in disbelief. As the echoes of Draco’s voice died away, a silence as deep as, well, something very deep, yawned across the crowd. Finally, Draco stamped to his feet and, to the sound of his own footsteps, left the stage in a huff. ‘Oooooooookaaaaay. Judges, what did you make of that? And, no, you can’t give the score in negatives.’ Erin stifled a giggle as the judges held up 1’s. Draco leered around the curtain and shouted ‘Did I mention that my father will kill you all if I don’t win?!’ The judges quickly held up the 0’s next to the 1’s, making them 10’s.The audience broke into scattered applause and pulled out big hands. As Draco smiled menacingly, SDC announced a commercial break.