Annar kaflinn…enska…hérna…beint af www.hgnetwork.co.uk/siye…PG-13….









A/N: The second chapter:)


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.














Harry Potter, the oh, so almighty saviour of the wizarding world, awoke with a start on a very beautiful Monday morning, the first day of classes at Hogwarts, when Neville squeaked:

“Trevor! What on earth are you doing???!!!!” Trevor had, you see, spent the night with a very enthralling duck, the most beautiful of its kind, and for some reasons, Neville had a problem with that.

“Did you use protection young man??!!!” Neville said to Trevor.

“Did you call your toad a young man?” Dean asked, quite unbelievingly (and I will not sink so low as to talk about a vocabulary here. I'm over that stage in my life.).

“Erm, yes?” Neville said in an asking sort of way. As I'm stuck in this conversation and can't think of a way to write it to its conclusion, I will let Harry walk out, after having showered, dressed and brushed his teeth in 25 seconds, but still managing to do it perfectly. After all, he is perfect.

When Harry reached the common room, he sat down. He and Ginny had, you seem to see, agreed to meet in the common room that lovely Monday morning. The perfect plan.
While Harry sat there, lost in his thoughts, an owl was in much pain. The owl, Pinophedeus for long, was indeed holding a cactus. And it does hurt to carry a cactus by ones whateveritisyoucallowlsfeet.
When Pinophedeus reached his destination, he dropped the cactus. And what was beneath him, but Hirny? 'What is Hirny?' you might ask. Hirny is a term used for: 'two teenagers named Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley in a middle of a heavenly snogging session' You probably understand a little better now. Rufiel wishes you a good day and thanks you for asking him for help.
And Hirny indeed sprang apart when the cactus landed on their heads. Imagine being in a heavenly snogging session with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Imagining? Quite good isn't it? Now, imagine a cactus landing on your heads. That hurt didn't it? If you still haven't got the picture, I recommend trying it for real.

“OW!!!!!!” they said, quite logically.

Harry bent down to find out what had landed on their heads in the middle of their heavenly snogging session. I seem to be a bit repetetive about some phrases. Ah, who cares? So Harry indeed picked the cactus up. Not smart.

“OW!!!!!” he said, again, quite logically. As he could not pick up the cactus, Ginny tried to. How stupid can people be?

“OW!!!!!” she exclaimed, and surprisingly, that was indeed quite logical. They could not pick up the cactus, so they did the next best thing. They picked up the card next to it. On the card was written in curly, beautiful script:

'HA HA! That hurt didn't it? I like hurting Poh-tter! I like hurting Poh-tter!

With lots of loath,

Voldemort'


“Dark Lords. Mental, the lot of 'em!” Harry said. Even though that sentence was not logical at all, it still was perfectly logical. Illogical statements are, you see, perfectly logical. Just ask Prince Harry.

“I know. You cannot believe some of the things Tom told me about himself! Did you know that he slept with a rubber duck at sixteen?” Ginny stated.

"A rubber duck?" Harry asked, quite believingly. It is not hard to believe anything abnormal about Tom Riddle. After all, he sucks!

“A rubber duck indeed. Do you understand now why I shudder everytime I hear Dad rant on about them?” she asked. Harry shuddered in response.
So the snoggingly duo, a term that makes no sense at all, made their way to breakfast, being Hirny half the way. When they reached the Gryffindor table, they decided to eat something other than each other's throats, reluctantly though. When they had finished each other's scrambled eggs, a limerick, something I have absolutely no idea what is, appeared in front of them. They ate it, even though I have no idea of whether it was edible or not. Let's just say they had to go to the Hospital Wing with food poisoning a week later.

“POTTER! WEASLEY!” somebody yelled while they were busy being Hirny. That somebody turned out to be Professor McGonagall.

“5 points of Gryffindor each! And your schedules!” she half-yelled indignantly, and handed them their schedules.
Harry and Ginny looked in every direction they could, and saw amused faces staring at them. A few faces were not amused, but they weren't staring, so Harry and Ginny did not notice them. Soon they had forgotten all the amused faces. They had, you see, decided to be Hirny again. Snoggidy-snoggidy-snoggidy-snog!

“AARGHH!!!!!!” Ron screamed when he arrived in the Great Hall.

“Ron, if you scream like that one more time while Harry and Ginny act on their urges, I will never act on my urges with you!” Hermione said menacingly. Ron gulped, and followed her ‘advice’. He would be a very happy man. Whipped, but happy.
So Ron watched them, and with great effort, did not scream. Hermione was soooooooo proud! She felt the sudden urge to snog him senseless. And hadn't he earned it? He had. Snoggidy-snoggidy-snog! (They're not on Harry and Ginny's level in snogging, but close though. Most people only snoggidy-snog!)
When the four were so lucky (or unlucky) to all breathe at the same time, Harry and Ginny passed Ron and Hermione their schedules. Professor McGonagall seemed to have passed Harry and Ginny Ron's and Hermione's schedules. Isn't that lovely?

“Ugh, Double Potions first! And something else afterwards noone cares about!” Ron exclaimed, but he had gotten into Potions after Professor Snape had decided to let everybody with ‘T’ or over in.

“Hey, Harry, Hermione, Gunnar, I'm having Potions with you guys!” Ginny exclaimed after checking her schedule.

“Who's Gunnar? And why are you having Potions with us?” Ron asked her.

“Gunnar is the new exchange student from Norway, who is here so Neville will have a mate in the last two years of school. He likes to ski, have *** with whoever wants and to make a complete idiot of himself in public. His favorite food is Swedish Pizza and he's an only child. And I'm having Potions with you guys because Professor Dumbledore wants to see Snape's reaction when Harry and me start to snog in his class.”

“Makes sense to me.” Ron then said. The four of them then started a band with their spoons, though Hermione's spoon was only trying to stop the others, without success. She suddenly got a horrified look on her face and exclaimed:

“I FORGOT MY TEXT BOOKS!!!!” and hurried out of the Great Hall. 2 minutes later Harry, Ginny and a grumpy Ron stood up and left the Great Hall, and went down to the dungeons. Oh, the horribly horrible dark of the darkest of dungeons greeted them with a hug, that left them extremely cool.

Harry and Ginny sat together, while Ron went and got a seet for himself, and saved one for Hermione. She'll surely like that, won't she?

Soon, Professor Snape entered the dungeon, wearing his usual smile. You see, Professor Snape always smiles. Other people just think he's frowning. But he isn't really. He was just born like that. Frowning while smiling and smiling while frowning. So, as you can see, Professor Snape is a very cheery lad.

“Hello, you miserable little failures.” he said. This isn't meant in a bad way, because, as anyone should be able to see, he's smiling while saying it, which reveals the fact that he's just being sarcastic and actually thinks they rock.
Or maybe all I've been saying about the Professor isn't true, and he's actually that grumpy.

“Today we will brew poison, and you'll have to test your potion yourself. If it works, you'll die. If it won't work, I'll kill you.” Grumpy. Definetly.

“Wait a minute, where's Miss Granger?” he asked, after noone said anything about the poisony thingy.

“Sh…” Ron started, but Professor Snape cut him off:

“Hoooojaaaaa!!!!!!!!” and cut his finger off.

“Weasley, Hospital Wing.” So Ron left, with the finger.

“What are you waiting for? Begin!” And with that, the class began their work on brewing the poison, even though Snape forgot to tell them how to make it.

Five minutes later, the Professor began to get bored, so he took a potion out of a shelf in his office, and poured it on Neville. For a while, nothing happened. Then, Neville got shorter. A lot shorter. To be exact, he was only an inch. Then, his ears fell of. Soon, they had grown legs and where running away from him. Neville followed, and after extreme mountain-climbing, was almost catching them. But he hadn't noticed, that the ears were heading for Harry's mouth, but his mouth was half-open, for he was asleep. So Neville ran after his ears into Harry's mouth. The Gryffindors screamed at Neville to stop, but seeing as he didn't actually have ears, he did not hear. When he had entered, Harry snapped awake and swallowed Neville.

“Well, Mister Potter, I must congratulate you on that. The best thing you've done since you started this class. I've never particularly liked that git…”

“What did I do?” Harry asked Ginny.

“I don't know. I was sleeping.”

“Ron?” But Ron wasn't there.

"Professor, what exactly did I do?“ Harry asked Snape.

”You ate Mister Longbottom. A very good job indeed. I might even consider not to kill you today.“

”Oh.“ Harry replied. The Gryffindors were all very sad, for Neville was their little cuddly-bear.

Then, suddenly, Hermione appeared, only wearing her underwear.

”Don't be sad! Be happy! Smile!“ And with that, she proceeded to sing the last song of Bugsy Malone. You know, the one when they're all fighting and suddenly someone starts to play a piano and sing.

Soon, everybody were dancing along, even Professor Snape, wearing huge smiles.




———————————————————————–




”AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

J.K. Rowling awoke after a horrible nightmare. Her characters were acting all OOC!

She tried to forget all about this very unpleasent nightmare. She knew that eating that lemon maringue pie before going to sleep was going to give her a nightmare. Still, she ate it.










The End.








Well, I managed to put all 22 things in the story. The things were:


1. A lemon maringue pie will play a key part in the story.
2. A radish will talk at some point.
3. Someone will change gender.
4. Something will be inflated.
5. Draco will perform a comedy routine in front of an audience.
6. A magical creature will run loose about Hogwarts.
7. A part of someone's body will become separated from them.
8. Someone must discover an amazing new magic ability.
9. There must be a crime commited by one of the trio.
10. There must be a reference to the end of the world.
11. A first-year girl must go up and be sorted whilst just wearing her bra and skirt.
12. A character must do something whilst drunk that creates a serious nuisance.
13. A cactus must be delievered to someone.
14. A character must end up in somebody else's body.
15. Harry must make an obscene suggestion to someone.
16. Someone must be sorted into the wrong house.
17. A character must be involved in a fight with some sort of a shellfish.
18. A character must appear in two places at once.
19. Snape must praise Harry for something he does in Potions.
20. There must be a mix-up over a novelty false beard and glasses set.
21. A limerick must appear for some reason.
22. And finally, Hermione must appear in class in her underwear.







Og það er það…hvernig var þetta?