You know you're a hockey fan if…

1. Your idea of serving breakfast is giving each of your kids a fork and
dropping an Eggo in the middle of the table.
2. You punish your kids with “minors,” “majors,” and “misconducts.”
3. When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns green, you stop.
4. When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns red, you get really excited and start cheering.
5. You consider the Forum in Montreal a place of worship.
6. You keep a picture of the Stanley Cup in your wallet in front of the picture of your family.
7. Instead of duct tape, you use hockey tape to fix everything.
8. You know the difference between “The Garden,” “The Gahden,” and “The Gardens.”
9. You call a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame a “pilgrimage.”
10. You think the Canadian National Anthem is the theme from “Hockey Night in Canada.”
11. You send Gordie Howe a birthday card, yet you can't even remember
your own family members' birthdays.
12. All your kids are named either Gordie, Bobby or Wayne.
13. You wondered if Neil Smith was back on the job when you heard the Rangers
signed Alex Rodriguez for $252 million.
14. You went into a bank because it advertised “Free Checking”… and walked out disappointed.
15. When someone refers to “The Classics,” you think they're talking about the Original Six.
16. Your cure for everything is a couple extra-strength aspirin and a shot of Novocain.
17. You can pronounce anything in French, yet you have no idea what it means.
18. Every time you hear a siren you wonder who scored.
19. You can say “Khabibulin,” “Tkachuk,” “Jagr,” “Leschyshyn” and “Tverdovsky”
without getting tongue-tied.
20. Every time you see the name “Roy” you automatically pronounce it “Rwah.”
21. You're not allowed to play chess simply because the first time you played,
you misunderstood the meaning of the word “Check.”
22. You think the Four Food Groups are Nachos, Beer, Pretzels, and Rubber.
23. Everything in your wardrobe is your team's colors.
24. You still remember which teams were in the Patrick, Smythe, Norris, and Adams Divisions and which divisions were in the Campbell and Prince of Wales Conferences.
25. You were offered tickets to a performance of “The Messiah”
and went there expecting to see Mark Messier.
26. You refer to your team's goons as “enforcers” or “policemen” but you refer to
other teams' goons as “f—ing pieces of monkey s—.”
27. When you're at a game, you're not bothered when your kid says “F—!,” but when he says “shutout” before the game is over you threaten to wash his mouth out with soap.
28. You wonder what Miroslav Satan did to become the Prince of Darkness and Ruler of Hell.
29. You think the proper way to spell the plural of “leaf” is “leafs.”
30. You can name all the Sutter brothers. In order.


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