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100 things you can do while waiting for Half Life 2 to be unlocked.
1. Steal all your brothers’ first communion money and buy an ATI Radeon 9800 Pro 256mb graphics card.
2. Buy a deadbolt for your bedroom door.
3. Get a BIG “Do not Disturb” sign.
4. Buy an IV drip.
5. Buy a set of headphones.
6. Read a book on cultivating cannabis (www.cannabisbook.com)
7. Start your own grow chamber in the bedroom with the deadbolt, IV drip and headphones.
8. Install a toilet in your closet.
9. Take a photograph of your face in the mirror, every day for the next 48 weeks.
10. Tie a noose above your bed to show that you mean business.
11. Pay the internet bill so that seconds before Valve release HL2 your ISP does not shut you off.
12. Clean that dirty mouse ball… or go buy an Optical mouse that never needs cleaning.
13. Clean that monitor of all your spit.
14. Clean the bong.
15. Adjust the thermostat to get things just right and comfy.
16. Pay the electrical bill.
17. Water the plants.
18. Buy a new set of speakers and get rid of those old 8bit plastic freebies that came with your machine (you know you got ripped off forgetting that computers have sound also… doof!)
19. Feed the dog… it will be quite awhile before pooch gets his grub again…
20. … so make sure to feed yourself also.
21. Take a long, long, long nap until valve unlocks HL2.
22. Spend your time trying to hack the 512bit HL2 encryption, succeeding 2 minutes before HL2 is officially released, completely voiding your bronze edition warranty and thus no on-line games for you (but hell you just might get a job with the CIA).
23. After buying Bronze, get the Silver because that is what you really wanted only to go Gold at the last minute just to be with the IN crowd who got it all, finally spending a total of over €100 on a computer game.
24. Run the stress test on your system again and b**** on the internet about how great your FPS is… even though you are lying through your teeth.
25. Run the stress test twenty times more to see if you can push that FPS 1 notch up. Defrag the hard drive 10 times to get the 1+ FPS.
26. Watch as your HD reports a bad sector after you reboot.
27. Buy a new HD.
28. Download HL2 all over again.
29. Switch to Firefox instead of IE6 for the hell of it.
30. Shave.
31. Turn off your mobile for 3 months.
32. Clip your nails so you don’t bite them all off.
33. Actually sit on a comfy seat for the next 24 hours +.
34. Understand the meaning of ‘piles and haemorrhoids’.
35. Get the cream as needed.
36. Maybe having a bath right now is not a bad idea.
37. Buy nappies if you don’t think anybody is going to know.
38. Get everything important that anyone else will need out of your room unless it is critical to HL2.
39. Write an Oscar winning motion picture screenplay about a deranged snail.
40. Write an arty novel about navel lint.
41. Make sure to have several pizza service numbers at standby for the next few months.
42. Consult your Medical Doctor about what you are actually attempting to do.
43. Make sure to get paid up front in cash if the doctor says something about gathering medical data from you.
44. Make sure to get a cut of the Doc’s deal with Vivendi for that info. Its your BLOOD!
45. Phone a lawyer to find out if Valve and Vivendi have actually broken any laws with this unlock release date thingie and then instigate a class action lawsuit to have it unlocked now.
46. 6 Months later, hide from the millions of screaming fans and the hoards of media people who all want a photograph of the guy who backlogged the games release date because of a court injunction.
47. Play HL2… completely… again so that HL2 will seem seamless.
48. Then complain that the screenwriter botched the storyline because of continuity errors between HL1 and HL2.
49. Watch all videos of the HL2 release again.
50. Read “Robinson Crusoe”
51. Watch all the series of Star Wars again except episode 3. Watch the trailer instead.
52. Do the same with Lord of the Rings (Directors Cut for 1 and 2).
53. Bake a cake.
54. Uninstall every other game on your machine. You simply will never need them again.
55. Go finish Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
56. Take out the trash.
57. Leave the trash bin outside your window for clean drops during the months to come.
58. Buy lots of canned goods.
59. Get a HL2 tattoo on your a**.
60. Friday is now officially every day for the next 3 months.
61. Run a Virus Scan.
62. Run an ad-aware check.
63. Run around the room twice.
64. Try to figure out to the second at what time you will have HL2.
65. Cry when you realize that you are not going to get it at Midnight tonight unless you are living under the same sunshine as Valve.
66. Go to bed and wait and pray.
67. Go buy U2’s new album and listen to it. (www.amazon.com)
68. Get some hair de-licer.
69. Get some dread-wax.
70. Have the start of some great dreads by the time you finish playing HL2.
71. Overfeed the fish.
72. Watch The Passion of Christ without subtitles.
73. Take up yoga.
74. Buy 20kg of Nescafe.
75. Rip your doorbell out.
76. Sell your company.
77. Sell your family.
78. Write to www.michaelmoore.com and tell the man that is a great way to ignore Bush for the next 4 years.
79. Try and buy up all the possible variations of Half-Life 3 domain names.
80. Do the same for Half-Life 4.
81. Smoke yet another fat one.
82. Go make a Spray for HL2 - http://homepage.ntlworld.com/craigweb2k/Spray_Tut/
83. Curse when the logo maker tells you that your pixel dimensions are wrong… AGAIN.
84. Steal someone else’s logo – preferably from an eleven year old Britany Spears fan.
85. Waste time completing 1% of a really crappy CS map before uninstalling HL2 SDK from your system.
86. Waste time developing a 100% finished map for Counter-Strike: Condition Zero.
87. After you did the same for HL1 four months ago.
88. Go write yet another review for HL2 on Amazon.com even though you have not played the game yet.
89. Think back to all those months and years that have passed without the release of HL2. How did you spend your time waiting?
90. Just repeat that process for another 24 hours if you can.
91. Take up religion.
92. Take up your flairs.
93. Throw up in a state of blatant perpetual anticipation.
94. Squeeze your zits.
95. Smash your computer to death and cut up your credit card for the kicks.
96. Wreck your eyeballs staring at Steam for 24 hours before download begins.
97. Throw 10 backflips across the room when Steam starts to unlock HL2.
98. Throw yourself out the window when Steam tells you that its server has crashed and you will have to wait another 48 hours until release.
99. WRITE 100 things you can do while waiting for Half Life 2 to be unlocked.
100. Then do a 100 more.