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10 Things Everyone Must Do At Least Once in Counter Strike!…

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By Kurlac

Call yourself a CS expert? Been there, done that, got the Kevlar t-shirt in fetching camouflage colours? Try this handy checklist to make sure you have fully experienced the world of terrorists and counter-terrorists. They're the little things that make the game great. If you can't say you've done all of these, then you're not truly a l33t d00d with l0t5 of 5ki775, or whatever stupid replacing-letters-with-numbers words you want to use. I mean, really, it's not even English, come on…


Spend 10 minutes climbing up a building and die as soon as you reach the top!

Nice! There's nothing quite like crouch-jumping on barrels, boxes, creeping along ledges, and climbing up brick walls with your teeth, only to peek over the edge of the roof and take a hot lump of lead in the forehead. What a waste of time! You loser! Same rule applies to working your way all the way across a large map, only to bite it when you finally get there.


Unjustly accuse someone of cheating when they keep killing you!

This works best when you're on a German or French server - after all, those dodgy types are bound to be cheating, they've got silly accents and everything. After getting shot in the head for the fifth time, send a chat message along the lines of ”YOUR ALL CHEATINGG FUCKERS DIE DZIE“, and log off immediately. This is the most responsible, mature thing to do, and will certainly teach those greasy foreigners a thing or two. Who the hell do they think they are, coming over here on to, er, their own servers, and… Taking our women… or something…


Get shot in the head while typing a chat message!

In the middle of a pitched battle, if you take someone out in a really stylish way, pause to type ”Did you see that?? Got him right in the head, fantastic, truly I am a master of this game and online gaming in general. I remember back in the clan wars of 2000, I think it was, me and Bertie, Algie and Fluffy were trapped behind a wall, 3 of the buggers were advancing on our position, and Bertie, he says to me, let's get em! Ah, good old Bertie, he wasn't so stuck up once you got to know, him, th-“ and by this stage only the other dead people will be able to hear you.


Blame lag for everything!

Even if you are on a super fast, slicker than a greased rat going a drainpipe, kick ass connection, with a ping of 2, you must say, at least once ”damn this lag“ after a particularly poor lack of judgement. Or ”my screen went funny“. Everyone else will sympathise, except for one troublemaker who will say ”what lag?“ Stamp on this person. They will expose you.


Attack a team-mate by mistake!

Go on, it's a laugh. One particular game I played, I saw this guy coming at me, and emptied a clip at his head. He stood there, taking my hits without damage - friendly fire was off - explained that he was my team-mate, I was ”dumm", and that I should probably get off the server. I blamed it on lag, and said my screen had gone funny, and left. I think he was cheating, too…


Enjoy the death animations!

If someone has been shot right next to you, stop for a second to watch the amazingly realistic death animation as they flop to the ground. Then their ghost can watch you do exactly the same thing! Yes, it happened to me too. I was standing by a window, and a team-mate was by the next window. I turned to look, and a bullet came through the window, got him in the head, and his body did a perfect flip backwards, Olympic-diving style. It was beautiful. I stopped to admire the scene, staying by the window. The sound of breaking glass that followed was accompanied by my instant death.


Shoot a chicken in cs_italy!

Speaks for itself, really. Come on, who hasn't? Even the most rabid vegetarian peace lover must have had a quick giggle as they blast a chicken into a mere stain on the ground. It only uses one bullet, what are you waiting for…?


Exploit the same weakness over and over!

If you find the other team taking the same route all the time, go to the same place and kill them in the same way. It drives them nuts. I did this once on a protect the VIP map, I noticed that they kept taking the river. So I got a sniper rifle, and hid right down the end of the river, under water. As soon as that white shirt came around the bend, I took the top of his head off. I must have done it about 6 times before they got annoyed…


Congratulations! You have now fully experienced the joys of Counter Strike. (Oh, there's some other stuff about teamplay, and rescuing hostages and shit like that, but it just gets in the way of the fun.)

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Þvílík SCHNILLD!

Royal Fool
Bringing smiles to sappy faces

P.S. maður hefur nú lent í flestu af þessu sjálfur ;)