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Snowman

I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin\'
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen
La-la-la-la-la-la-la…


Blackout

New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour
But to me that is not scary
Cause I stay away from dairy
La-la-la-la-la-la…


Cremated Mother

And my mother\'s ashes
Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jaaaaaaar


My Coma Guy

You don\'t have to be awake to be my man
As long as you have brain waves I\'ll be there to hold your hand.
Though we just met the other day
There\'s something I have go to say…


Babies

They\'re tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch
Soon they\'ll grow up and resent you so much
Now they\'re yelling at you and you don\'t know why
And you cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry…


They Found Their Bodies

And they found their bodies the very next day
They found their bodies the very next day…

In the Shower

I\'m in the shower and I\'m writing a song
Stop me if you\'ve heard it
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And tegrin spelled backward is nirget.
Lather, rinse, repeat
Lather, rinse, repeat
Lather, rinse, repeat
(pause)
As needed!


When I Play

When I play I play for me
I don\'t need your charity!


Terry\'s a Jerk

Terry\'s a jerk!
And he won\'t let me work!
And I hate Central Perk!
(time passes by)
And you\'re all invited to bite me!


Smelly Cat

(Chorus)
Smelly cat, smelly cat
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It\'s not your fault

They won\'t take you to the vet
You\'re obviously not their favourite pet
You may not be a bed of roses
And you\'re no friend to those with noses

(Repeat Chorus)


Two of Them Kissed Last Night

There was a girl we\'ll call her Betty
And a guy let\'s call him Neil
Now I can\'t stress this point too strongly
This story isn\'t real.
(time passes by)
Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly
Or will it be the one who we\'ll call L-L-Lulie?
He must decide, he must decide
Even though I made him up he must decide


Grandma

Now grandma\'s a person who everyone likes
She brought you a train and a bright shiny bike
But lately she hasn\'t been coming to dinner
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
But the truth is she died and someday you will too
La-la-la-la-la…


Don\'t

There\'ll be times when you get older
And you\'ll want to sleep with people
Just to make them like you
But DON\'T
Cause that\'s another thing that you don\'t wanna do
That\'s another thing that you don\'t wanna do


Bi-sexuals

Sometimes men love women
And sometimes men love men
Then there are bi-sexuals
Though some just say they\'re kidding themselves
La-la-la-la-la-la…


Barnyard Animals

Oh the cow in the meadow goes \“moo\”
Oh the cow in the meadow goes \“moo\”
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up
And that\'s how we get hamburgers.
Nowwwww chickens!


Crusty Old Man

…And the crusty old man said \“I\'ll do what I can\”
And the rest of the rats played maracas


Sticky Shoes

My favourite shoes so good to me
I wear them everyday
Down at the heel, holes in the toe
Don\'t care what people say
My feet\'s best friend, pals to the end
With them I\'m one hot chicky
Though late one night
Not much light
I stepped in something icky

(Chorus)
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes
Always makes me smile
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes
Next time I\'ll avoid the pile


Jingle Bitch

Jingle bitch screwed me over
Go to hell jingle whore
Go to hell, go to hell, go to h-h-hell


Crazy Underwear

Crazy underwear creeping up my butt
Crazy underwear always in a rut
Crazy underwear…


Parading Goats

Parading goats are parading,
Parading down the street.
Parading goats are parading,
Leaving little treats.


Holiday Song

Went to the store, sat on Santa\'s lap
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap
Said all you need is to write them a song
Now you haven\'t heard it yet so don\'t try to sing along
No don\'t sing along
Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowwwwwy
And Rachel and Chandler, (mumbles something) handler!


Little Fetus

Are you in there little fetus?
In nine months will you come greet us?
I will buy you some Adidas