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Ross: All the time I was in China I heard this little voice inside me telling me to forget Rachel and move on. Do you know who's voice that was?
Chandler: God?
Ross: No, you!
Chandler: Maybe that was God's voice or at least God doing me!

Chandler: (deciding to become a hermit) I'll get more snakes, call them my babies; kids won't walk past my place, they will run. ‘Run away from crazy snake man’ they'll shout!

Ross: Does it (Chandler's 3rd nipple) do anything if you press it?
Chandler: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.

Waiter: Will there be anything else?
Chandler: Yeah, how about a verse of ‘Killing me softly’…….. you're gonna sneeze in my fish aren't you?

Joey and Chandler flipping a coin to decide which baby to take - the one wearing ducks or the one wearing clowns.
Joey: Ducks should be heads ‘cause ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

Monica: Five more (sit-ups) and I’ll flash you. (He only manages two and a half) Chandler: Just show me one of them!

Chandler: (Being sarcastic at Ross' situation) Oh no, two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy, my wallet's too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight!

Chandler: (entering the girls' flat in a festive mood) Ho! ho! Hooooo-ly crap is it hot in here!

Chandler: The world is my lesbian wedding.

Joey: Do you have any idea what this (a bracelet) will do for your sex life?
Chandler: Well it'll probably slow it down at first but once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.

Ross: What would someone called Casey want with Rachel?
Chandler: I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance, y'know, make a little love, well pretty much get down tonight.

Monica: (dividing up the food) OK, I've got a leg, three breasts and a wing.
Chandler: How d'you find clothes that fit?